Isn't it September yet?

God, it is still August. GO AWAY. I know some of you like hot weather
and I don't mind it here and there and I don't think we've had enough of
it to complain about. I am simply sick of camping gear in the dining
room, piles of laundry, some clean and some not, waiting to go to their
designated spots. This can take several days. I'm tired of toilet paper
that is damp. I am tired of the inside of the fridge and freezer being
filled with condensation. I am tired of people asking me to go swimming.
More than once. My philosophy is swim once, enjoy it; swim twice pretend
to enjoy it; swim three times and who ever keeps asking should be shot.

This time of year the garden looks tired and the veggies are trying to
decide if they should finally ripen or just die one night. And speaking
of nights, does anyone know what nocturnal animal grunts like a pig?
The eyes are about the height of a cat's, the back is the roundness of a
raccoon, but a lot slimmer and the eyes are also close together. Do you
think there are feral nocturnal pigs in the city? Raccoons chirrup and
whir and rats don't say much of anything. Porcupines can grunt but not
snort backwards, like pigs do. Suggestions will be welcome because it
will be a distraction from the shortage of beer in the fridge.

Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way (but I doubt it) if we weren't
going to the camp again. The camp that is supposed to have no guilt
attached to it so if we don't want to go, we won't make ourselves feel
badly. I have succeeded in not feeling badly if we don't go, but Steve
hasn't. So we go.

I am going to get a huge bristol board and list all the things I have
learned about this summer:
-beach towels should be taken away from husbands and washed more than
once a month,
-it is time to hire someone to trim the grass edges after the husband
cuts the grass so that it coincides,
-fabulous red high heel sandals should not be worn in hot weather,
-August is not the time of year to hang around the house no matter how
much both parties say they want a stress free holiday, or there isn't
any money,
-the husband who says that when we get up in the morning we can decide
on something fun to do, does not understand the concept of fun.
-fun is defined as activities not involving pails, brushes of any sort,
cans of any sort, hand held machinery, power tools or sweat. (do you
know that for a date, we used to go to Canadian Tire?)
-bailing or getting several tarps over a boat is not fun (I fail to
understand why it is important to keep a boat dry, isn't it a boat... in
water?),
-next August, we are leaving the city for 5 consecutive days and this
will not include a potty of any description, canvas, fly tents, Coleman
stoves and/or bug spray,
-the last five days of August 2010 will involve either amusement rides or a
heavy consumption restaurant food or some friends who invite us to their
cottage and who are fun to be with. (see above description of fun)
-I will not ask any young adults about their moving plans.

I hope all your summers are brighter than mine. I am spending this week,
trying to contain a hurclonic scream inside and not share my desperate
urge to put people into catapults and send them soaring to their
respective jobs or schools or homes or forests.

Laureen