I'm fifty, what fun!

Isn't this a grand cake? We had it for dinner on Sunday the 3rd, because I love to extend the celebrations over several meals. This means more people and... more cake.

The kids came over and we had a lot of laughs as we caught up on adventures we all had over the Christmas holidays.

The following Wednesday, I met with my lady friends and a lovely bundt cake was served with lemon curd topping. Yummy, yummy and lots of good laughs.

On my birthday, after waking up too early, I opened up my gifts and I have achieved one of 4 life goals. To own an elephant! Actually, I now have 4. They are so happy, look at those trunks.

This arrived in the mail Friday morning.

I have been waiting for menopause since I was 25. I have gone through every symptom that the Medical Shoppe is hoping I might have encountered but not the ultimate moment of “YES, it's over”. Maybe I should have asked for that for my birthday present, but since no one seems to be able to help me achieve my goal of sterility it seemed useless to ask. This pharmacy put my hopes up falsely, since I read it as saying they could provide me with the necessary pills to get me done. The only disappointing moment of the day.

Cheryl came over for some serious play-writing on our Pantomime submission and some delicious birthday biscuits. Thanks Cheryl!


Other life goals include a tiara and Phoebe insisted we go shopping for a tiara Friday afternoon. It was really a little early for this event, we should maybe have had patience and waited for prom dress season. Two years ago, Phoebe and I found the most beautiful enameled jewelery, some tiaras and we were hoping for some of that. Instead we ended up in Claire's and bought one that little ballerinas would wear. I guess that works, being a ballerina from way back.


The remaining life goals include owning my own Vespa but since the car is now in car heaven and buying us each a Vespa for city living is an actual conversation, a Vespa no longer seems like a luxury but a necessity. Who wants a necessity for gamboling about town? I realize gamboling is mostly attitude but it would be a bit like saying “take this grocery trundle bundle and go have a lark”. I need to reassess this goal.

My final goal is to own a lovely navy blue ballgown with rhinestones on the sweetheart neckline. Once upon a time I wanted this desperately, before I realized I lived a life that would never require the ownership of a ballgown. Then I thought, “What the hell, I'll own one for Christmas parties”, but my body keeps getting larger and owning one that would fit my 20 year old body would now serve as foot warmer. Instead, I have asked the kids to put me into one (along with a sturdy push-up bra) for my cremation (one day but not today). I have mentioned they can use model glue to paste the wrinkles where my cleavage once was behind my shoulders and feel free to stuff the bra with poly-fill. I can wear my tiara with it. I mean on my head not on my bosom. Add some rocket firecrackers and it will be a fun cremation.

Back to the festivities. These digressions are sometimes tough to recover from. After an afternoon walking through thousands of stores (Ha, gott'cha, this is Halifax, we have 7 stores in the mall) we settled down for some fries in the food court. There are more food stalls than stores in case you haven't noticed. We reviewed our purchases. Laureen – 1 tiara : Phoebe – 1 expensive coat, 1 strapless bra, 10 threads (underpants) and a medium fry. I think Phoebe is planning to take me birthday shopping often.

Steve and I went out to dinner, I wore my tiara but my feet were ghosts. We had both walked a lot that day and by the time we arrived at the Chinese restaurant, we could barely sit we were so tired. Not that I was willing to give up. We ate a ton of wonton appetizers and MooShooGipans and ginger beef. We decided to hail a cab but by the time we finished getting my magazines at Atlantic News and finally found a cab, we were home.

We still had fudge cupcakes and excellent scotch to include in a day that now hit excess and extravagance.

It was great fun and despite not being able to sleep a wink from too much sugar and the foolish blend of Chinese and chocolate, it was worth it.

I had a glorious day, filled with phonecalls, flowers from my in-laws,

emails and a dinner party with good friends to look forward to the next day. Those crazy folks wrote some limericks to help me celebrate the day. They didn't know this, but this is a very Dutch thing to do. Write an insulting limerick for someone's birthday or St. Nick's gift and you are a popular person.

Here is what I received Sat. night during our Greek dinner.

From Sandy and Jay:

Laureen was an unusual gal,
She liked it when Steve rang her ....

(I've omitted the rest, it's too racy)

There once was a girl 2 doors down,
Who wanted a birthday present of a crown,
As young and vibrant she was,
She preferred a trip to the spas,
But realized they were cross town.

That one needs some work or some wine.

There was a young woman on Jubilee
Whose neighbours would make her angry
The police she would call
And pour herself a scotch highball,

Then yell out the window at them rudely.

Sad but true.
From Cheryl and Scott (Scott listened):

Your skin has a glow that belies,
The crumbling cell structure..."fie!"
you say, "I won't be daunted or tormented, haunted,
I'll just pull my hair up real high.

(See comments about model glue further on)

You're 50 years old plus a day,
And all that we wanted to say
was, your boobs sit so high,
The priest says "Oh my,
Do those get in the way when you pray?"

Yup.

There once was a gal named Laureen
Who really was into the scene,
Of weaving, stiching, chatting,
bitching,
Of being creative, I mean.

Pretty cool, huh?

We staggered home, all of two buildings over. I had hurt my back laughing so hard and Steve was carrying the dishes and trying not to slip in the snow.

Thank you everyone for a great celebration. I'm looking forward to my family celebration in April when we gather for my 50th, Steve's 50th, Isabelle's 50th, Vincent's 50th (not really but in the interest of keeping family peace, we recommend it), Phoebe's 20th, Lucas and Natasha's University Graduation and my Mom will have to think of something so her name can be on the cake. Call the police!