Monday, December 10, 2012

Intentional Dots - done !

Intentional journeys are not meant to focus on the ending(s) but on the journey itself. As a young person, I was always very focused on the ending of events especially if it meant something good was coming my way, like presents. As a young adult, I discovered "Process" where the emphasis was on the quality of the way in which we did a thing. I was suffering from extreme self-doubt in those days and any kind of competition that I might fail in terrified me. I loved the idea of "Process" because it meant things like the beginning and middle were of greater importance than the end results. Teamwork on occasion where the terms of success had to be redefined meant it wasn't my fault and most of all, I could forgive what ever dreck I came up with. In those days, it was all dreck. "Process" took the pressure off any critical evaluation on my part because the "Process" was greater than results. What a gift to a fragile self esteem. I had enough criticism rolling around in my own head that I sure didn't need externals to validate the negative screaming in my brain.

As the years have trundled by, I've come to realize that I am never going to fully pull away from evaluating the end result of anything I do.

By concentrating on Process, however, it has given me freedom away from negative evaluation and towards a vocabulary of evaluation that is much kinder to myself (and away from judging others). As well, I have learned that I need quality to be a part of both the Process for whatever Product to be fully satisfying.

All that preamble because the Intentional Dots are done. I like it. It isn't amazing, but it turned out a whole lot better than I expected. I've been working with the idea of transparency in my work, meaning I have to figure out a way for my pieces to be back lit. This idea might turn out to be a kick in my pants, but I'll worry about that much later.

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