Bad Decision - oops

Back in March I took a look at the statistics of this blog and felt despair. Such a small number of readers. What was I doing wrong? Why aren't I the New Famous Woman of Wordpress? I decided it was too much work for too little reward after 8 years.

Onwards about 9 weeks and many sad days. "Just the winter blahs", I thought. Eventually I realized I had watched too many episodes of Britians Got Talent and You Tube videos of cats. Everything was slipping, photographing life, reading books, getting to the gym, liking people. Liking people can be an activity all in itself some days. Even eating cake was humdrum.  What?!

I've had a few small set backs. A publisher I had my hopes on refused my book for young readers. It was done very nicely but it left me drifting. I had a small back injury that meant I couldn't get to the gym and I need those endorphins badly. I had an allergic reaction to a cream and spent days trying not to scratch. All this contributed to drift.

Here it is June and I haven't found joy of soul for ages. Now that made me angry. Time to kick myself back into gear.

 I went to a poetry reading last night with a friend. On the way down, we talked about the difference between enjoying the process of making art and the product. We talked about the effects on ego by having things bought and not bought. We started to talk about how the small but perfect rewards of a community that "gets" you is essential. At the end of the poetry reading, one of the poets said, "It is so wonderful to look out into a room of people that are happy to be here listening to poetry. It is such a joy. Thank you."

I looked around, there were mabe 40 people in the room, many of them family and friends of the three poets. "Who cares" I realized. This room of people get these three poets and it will be a high point in the poets lives this year. Maybe for many years.
I've been avoiding the little voice that has been saying get back to the blog. It gives a focus to the week, a great start and it gives purpose to the photos. I need to produce work to take photos of and I need to find interesting things to write about when there isn't any work.
My apologies for that upsurge in ego.

My gratitude to the loyal readers who keep coming back to this blog. Thank you for getting me.